HOW I GAVE UP ON TRYING

"Am not what happened to me,

I am what I choose to become"

    As the saying goes "You are not a product of your circumstance, but a product of your decisions". Being good is not enough, aiming for the best should be the priority. 

    For once I always look forward to new challenges. Finding someone good and try to be better, push myself to the limit, all night and day trying to figure out what he or she does differently. Make sure am up early, finish up the house chores and looking forward with hope that today might be the day. 

    Little did I know that I set out with the wrong mind frame, the thought of being second fiddle to someone, the thought of being a liability when I failed to reach my goal. Always feeling inferior in the face of failure, from primaries to the institutional level, I lived with this idea.

    A few years back, I met few friends from my high school, whom I always want to try and get one over then, with them I felt inferior due to how exceptionally brilliant they are back then. And to my surprise after some bottle of drinks, they started narrating their ordeals with me back then in school. Telling me how I pushed them to the limits due to my never say never attitude and knowing well am not the one to settle for less. And one of them mentioned, how my current state always inspires them to be me and drawing a lot of energy from my surgeon.

    I was close to tears, obviously amused by this revelation but immediately realize who my competition was MYSELF. By trying to be better than them, always taking notes of what they did differently and any piece of information I find, I was improving myself, at the end of the day becoming better than yesterday.

    I realize am the real competition and if I fail to be better than my yesterday's version then I have myself to blame because am the number one enemy of my progress. I start making way for positive vibes around me and letting go of all negative thoughts about being inferior, this is the only way to see the bigger picture.

    Many of us try backing out when we fail to reach our target, when we face disappointment from people, fear not, because all this are just to show the fault in yesterday which should be improved before today ends. Find your strength and improve on it, as good as it is to view someone higher, it's mental effect are not that good. As Martin Luther King once said, " don't allow anybody make you feel like you are nobody". You can do it.

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